The Worst Oscar Winners...Ever

Ok, because I'm bored by the Scream I review I was currently working on, I've decided to compile this list instead. Yeah, so even though its nowhere near Oscar time, I wanted to compile this list of the worst Oscar decisions ever. Long list, I know, but I trimmed and trimmed until the length was acceptable. You may agree or disagree, these are, anyway, just opinions. The Oscars are known for making some terrific decisions (American Beauty, anyone?) and some really, really bad ones. Today we're going to be celebrating those decisions that have truly made me want to chuck something at the screen in hopes that it will break the television-watcher barrier and knock some sense into those air-headed ninkumpoops. And here we go:

1. Forrest Gump Wins Best Picture

I'm sorry, but yes, I am one of those in the minority that has a deep hatred for this film. No wait, I take that back. The film isn't interesting enough to warrant any true emotions. Forrest Gump is like Oscar-baiting inspirational porn. Tom Hanks wins the Oscar for playing it friendly. Way to go, Academy!

2. Ellen Burstyn doesn't win for Requiem for a Dream

Yeah, you remember that terrific, harrowing, tragic performance of Ellen Burstyn as drug-addicted Sarah Goldfarb? Well, her performance lost to a miniskirt and leopard print (Sorry Julia Roberts, but it had to be said.). It just goes to show, it isn't about who has the best performance. It's who had the sassiest wardrobe.

3. Gladiator wins Best Picture

Gladiator is popcorn flick entertain. Nothing else. Seems that's all voters wanted in 2000. Unfortunately, other great films like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Requiem for a Dream lost out on the chance to nab top prize.

4. Guess Who's coming to Dinner Wins Best Original Screenplay

The film that used an ice-cream metaphor for white-black relations took home the prize for Best Original Screenplay in 1967. Yay! Pro racial acceptance! Hey, wait, that movie wasn't very good. Oh well, we'll give it an award anyway.

5. Crash Wins Best Picture

Racism is bad! Ok, so Crash is actually deeper than the sentiment I've just reduced it to. But not by much. And it beat out Brokeback Mountain, the most moving and heartbreaking romances to be released in years. That damned "we're all connected theme"- It wins Oscars, I tell you, whether the film was that good or not (see Babel).

6. Gwyneth Paltrow Wins for Shakespeare in Love

Not to rag on Gwen, but seriously, come on Academy! Can we try to make decisions next time when we're not on crack? Gwen's performance was fine but Cate Blanchett stole the show with her fiery performance as Queen Elizabeth in Elizabeth.

7. The Prince of Tides gets nominated for Best Picture

I couldn't believe it. That sappy, long-winded movie with scenery of the CVS postcard variety got nominated for top prize. The film was like a bad dream. Maybe the Academy nominated in hopes that then it would go away.

8. Jessica Lange beats out Teri Garr in Tootsie

The sweet, unbelievably nice woman (Jessica Lange) wins an Oscar for being unbelievably nice and pretty. The frustrated, complicated, far more interesting woman (Teri Garr) gets shut out because she's, well, complicated. We're the Academy! We award appearances!